sense of play

I went for a short walk during my lunch break yesterday. the office is freezing so I needed to be under the sun to de-frost my bones. after walking along the nearly hydro towers for about twenty minutes, I came across an apple tree (not a real one, just one of those short ones with the tiny apples that are always scattered on the ground). I kicked one… it broke into gewey pieces. I picked up another one and drop-kicked it upward… it flew right over the wires of the hydro towers . (this was fun!). I did this a few more times and then I began to play keep-ups with one. a few minutes later I realized these two girls at a nearby bus stop were watching me and giggling. obviously imbarrased, I stopped and walked in the opposite direction, back towards the office.

on the way back, I started to ask myself what the hell I was doing? “what was the point in doing that?” I wondered. then I started to realize there was no point, it was just fun. I began to realize that, for the last little while, I’d lost my sense of play; I hadn’t done anything fun just for the hell of it. I can’t even remeber the last time I kicked a rock in front of me as I walked, I can’t recall the last time I chose to walk on the edge of a rail instead of the sidewalk or slide down a handrail instead of taking the stairs, I can’t remember the last time I chucked pebbles into a river, or anything else like that (which serves no real purpose, but is just fun to do). this summer has been all about working my ass off to make money and getting ready for university. I have (on occassion) gone out to take a few photos, but even photography isn’t what it used to be anymore. last summer, I hopped on my bike three or four times a week and wandered off into the unknown. I didn’t care about subject matter I was going to shoot or the composition or the lighting or the weather… I just did it for the hell of it, and I had fun doing it. a picture such as the one bellow portrays my style of photography for last summer when I started this site.

now, when I head out for a shoot, I’m constantly thinking about the factors I’ve mentioned above. and although I might be getting more aesthetically pleasing results by factoring in those variables, it causes me to think and focus so much that I sometimes don’t even enjoy it anymore!

at this point I don’t really know what the answer is. maybe this is part of growing up… a part of me really likes “playing around,” but the other part wants to do everything by putting lots of thought and focus into it.