life and work

I’m just hours away from ending my summer job (which I’m really sick of!) and I’m just days away from moving into my dorm and starting my university life at york.

(I should mention that this post is mostly for myself to keep as a journal so that I might look back at it some day in the future, so it may not be of much interest to you)

as I was sitting here behind my computer – with almost nothing to do – I figured this would be the best time to reflect on the past two months of working here, and to write a few words about what I expect in the future.

I spent all of july and august working full time at a graphics company. I should mention that I feel very fortunate to be doing this job, because it has some sort of relevance to the field I am going to get into (I’m soon going to start studying graphic design), as opposed to working at a restaurant or retail store. however, it was not what I really expected. I was hoping to do some serious production work and be creative once in a while, and eventually leave this place with some useful knowledge that would help me in becoming a more well-rounded designer. I have had some opportunities to do those things, but in the end, I was nothing more than a summer student at this company and my job, for the most part, consisted of doing things that others didn’t want to do: repetitive work… the worst was probably (aaaaahhhhhh!!) filing.

I learned a few things about myself during this time. the first and most obvious is this: for my career, I have to do something I truly love in order to be successful at it. I lasted one week at my previous job, where I made pizza at a restaurant. the pay was great, but after a few days I was tired, depressed, and dissatisfied. I need a purpose. I need a motive. I need to know that I’m doing something useful in order to try hard at it. when I started this job, my boss showed me the files as said, “look, these are from ten years ago, so the chance of us ever having to use them again is next to none, but whenever you’re not busy doing anything else, I need you to sort these out.” I ended up being “not busy” for a large portion of my days… and the worst part was that he basically told me that what I was doing had no purpose; it was just something for me to do so the money he’s paying me doesn’t go to waste. I also learned that I can’t do repetitive work. I don’t just hate it, I literally can’t do it… because every time I do something repetitive, I start to daydream about designing a method to make that job faster and more efficient and less repetitive.

I don’t want to work a nine to five job, five days a week, then go to a party during the weekend and go back to work on monday. that’s not living! that’s just existing. although I didn’t have a great time here, and I didn’t really learn much about graphics or design, I did get a very good idea of what I don’t want to do… as well I what I would really enjoy doing. I want a job with absolute freedom. if I feel like taking six months off to travel across the world in search of myself, I want to have the freedom (and income) to do that. and I believe the only way to really achieve this is to work for myself. I also want a job that rapidly changes at an inconsistent rate of change. I don’t ever want to reach a point where I’ve learned everything; I want to always be in the process of learning and experimenting. I also feel there needs to be an incentive for me to work hard. I don’t want to be paid by the hour, nor do I want to receive an annual salary. I want to get paid based on the quality of the work I produce, whether it takes two weeks or two years. something along the lines of what paul rand did. rand was an american graphic designer, and he was best known for creating famous icons such as the UPS or IBM logos. in his later years, rand was getting paid over a hundred thousands dollars for single designs such as creating simple logos. but although it seemed simple, he put a lot of thought into each one, and ultimately came up with a logo which truly reflected the characteristics of the client. that’s what I want. I was to get paid to think; not to do. I don’t want to sit behind a computer for hours and hours every day producing different version of the same concept or design. I want to spend my days researching and learning from the real world, and brainstorm ideas, and eventually sit down at a computer, maybe for a few hours a week, and turn my ideas into reality. with all that said, I realize that to many, my hope for the future seems like nothing but a fantasy. in fact when I mentioned those things to a coworker during lunch, he didn’t take it seriously at all. he tried to convince me that I’m having these thoughts because I’m “just a kid”, “you haven’t seen the real world , yet!” he said… he’s got a wife and two kids (one in university); he’s been working in this company for over twenty years.

over the last little while, I’ve met many people who went to university to study design with the same level of enthusiasm as myself, but are now doing dead end jobs because the couldn’t find a job in their field. there are so many talented designers out there in this situation. that frightens me! what if I don’t make it? what if my life in twenty years will be exactly what I fear today? will I conform to “the real world” and do what ever job that pays the bills, or will I rise above the rest to make a name for myself? or will I just end up in the streets? who knows… the last two months have been somewhat discouraging, and now I feel less confident about how much of that dream I can potentially turn into reality… but I’m gonna try my best. I think it’s largely related to my mental state. if I believe I’m going to be a failure, it will happen for sure, if I believe I’m going to be successful, I may still fail, but maybe not.

if you’re still reading this, please let me know your thoughts. tell your story… if you’re young and are just beginning your career like me, what are your hopes for the future? if you’re older and are settled into a career, is this what you expected/hoped to be doing when you where younger?

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Published:: August 23, 2006 / 6:21 pm

Category:: colourblind

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Kyle Jabbe 8.30.06 / 2pm

I totally agree with you in your ideology. As for the real world that people speak of there is no real world. It is itself a fantasy and the gentlemen you shared your thoughts too is out of touch because he has been working at the same career for twenty years which is something most of our generation doesn’t have the luxury of.

He also assumes you will have kids and then be forced to settle and become a wage slave. My suggestion is to be smart and keep yourself away from children until you can afford them if you want this life. In fact I don’t think children are for you at all if you maintain this ideology so if you are a man you might want to think of seeing a doctor to take care of ever having to worry about having kids on accident.

As for the real world I can’t comment. I graduated from University in 2001 with a computer science degree with average grades. I was a totally idealist through out college and professors would often rub me wrong and me them. Of course I took all the hardest classes and even tried to minor in Japanese, one class short because I just couldn’t speak enough.

So here I am now living at home with my parents for the last 5 years. I am at an older age and have medical problems likely from stress and frustration. I have lost most of my dreams and hopes and yet people as well as society want me to settle for minimum wage garbage jobs that I hate. I feel as you do, they have no purpose and even worse I am still unable to afford to live on it. It’s even worse when I think back to all the school day hazing I went through thinking my degree would have been worth something after graduating and I would have the last laugh.

I have a very small hope that is more like a carrot that keeps me from the world as I again seek sort of computer software position so I can learn the ropes yet I hear those jobs don’t exist anymore. There is a huge disconnect after graduation. Employers don’t want to train or apprentice and they expect only the best of the best and if you aren’t Super Star then you are a Super Waste of time. This gap is very large and you can fall through it and be forced into those garbage jobs.

These are probably not the things you want to hear but I suggest you cheat and lie in college. You don’t have to do it blatantly but if you can take an intro class of graphics that is very easy do so, don’t skip it. Do anything you can to pad your grades because without good grades it will be impossible to find work. Especially if your career can be globalized and handed off to a foreigner who can live on 2 dollars a day.

Have an escape plan in college. If the graphics design doesn’t work out have something else planned. My suggestion is to meet and pucker up to as many rich kids as you can. They will all end up in good jobs after graduating but never mention that your family doesn’t have money. I’m from a blue collar family and my experience with a few rich kids families turned very cold when they found out that I wasn’t of status in society.

In the end real society is a lie. It’s a big fantasyland of manipulation and guile. It has very little to do with capacity to learn, educate and become better. It has more to do with finding ways to be on top and forcing other people to chase those carrots. Understand both education and wealth is a carrot that society will throw at you as answers to your situation but in reality they are just keeping you busy while they secure you in debt.

Again, be wise. Don’t fall into the trap I did of being a total idealist and doing it my own way. Play their game enough to get the grades. Pad the grades with easy classes and take only from professors that give good grades. Meet people and make a large list of contacts that like interacting with you, this will be more important than anything else and make them believe you are capable of doing the job, not that you can do the job. Belief is far more important in our society than actual capacity. Remember that as well.

Belief is more important than reality. Even worse after college everyone thinks of you as a spoiled brat that is undeserving of a good job, unless you a wealthy. They will kick you and it will be like a High School hazing all over again. At that point you will either succeed or fail like I have. And failure isn’t something you will want to experience, trust me. Only rich people can afford to fail forward, the rest of us end up in the gutter and suffering.

Good Luck Idealist. We need a hell of a lot more people like you.

nick 9.25.06 / 10am

i don’t think this is about idealism and realism.

if my job does not satisfy me, i am not good at it and i am unhappy. i may still earn enough to get by, maybe even more, but still i am unhappy.

so i find a way to do what i like and be well-paid in order to be happy. so in the end i am happy with what i have achieved. else, i am just trying to do something that i want, something that can make me happy.

call it compromise, call it finding a balance, whatever.

it’s just me.

yes, and good luck!

Ryan 7.28.07 / 7pm

Payam, remember to go out and play. Feel God’s pleasure in what you do. Eric Liddell: “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”

You are a very talented Photographer. That is to say, you are able to communicate things about this life that people are to ashamed to admit, too embarrased, or whatever. If you keep pursuing the truth with the passion that is so clear in your work, you will have nowhere else to go but success. God be with you.

tw 8.22.07 / 10am

I think doing the kind of work you’d want to do, and being successful at it is a long shot, relatively speaking, compared to being an accountant or any other 9-5 job.

But i’m sure if you work at it, things will fall into place. It won’t be easy and the pay won’t be that good (not until you make a name for yourself, anyway), but if you’d rather live your life doing something you love than bore yourself to death at a desk, then go for it.

I can relate to how you feel; i’m 18 this year too and i’d like to pursue something ‘creative’.

Hmm.. so yeah. I wish you all the best dude.

A & M 11.14.07 / 1pm

Hey payam. Not sure if this will help or not, but since you asked at the end of your entry, here it is.

I’m 27. Male. Studied software engineering from U of T. I like to think I am creative (and I think I am). I didn’t think so much about university before I started it, it was just something I had to do. My dad told me there was good money in Computer Science, so I ended up doing that. I started to nurture my creative ends much later than you actually. Throughout university I kept myself busy with music. Started recording, playing instruments, learning, etc. I was 18 when I started university. At the age of 27, I just released a music album. I have the kind of 9-5 job you hate, and I hate it too. But I am doing it. I don’t play lottery, but I say often, that if I were to win lottery and had enough money to live comfortably, I’d quit my job tomorrow. But I will not stop making music, and I will probably do other creative things that I really enjoy like writing or photography. I am glad you know that you don’t want a 9-5 job and for the next four years you can work towards that goal. Unlike me, who worked for 4 years for a 9-5 job, got kicked around in dirt to get that job, just to realize it, he never wanted it all along.

Yeah the musicians are a dime a dozen and much of it, on top of your creativity, is just being at the right place at the right time, knowing the right people. Same with designers I suppose.

But think of all the “successful” people. Like Vincent Laforet if you consider him successful, and if you think you want his career. I don’t know much about him, but I am sure at some point he was doing odd jobs along with photography.

A good safe way is to keep doing what you like to do, which is photography, and do it with passion and get a decent enough job on the side which allows you to make enough money to keep doing what you like to do until that big break, when you can replace your 9-5er with your own work.

It really depends man – what kind of a guy you are. I am a wuss. I couldn’t afford the risk of studying music, and the huge possibility of ending up in a no name band, or a music teacher at a local school, or working at a music store. But had I given my all to music, its very possible that I would have found much success and fame and life would have been beautiful. That’s the kick in the nuts man, you just don’t know which end of the line you’re gonna end up on.

Its the algorithmic curve. It happens everywhere. In learning for example. When you start out, there is so much to learn, that you learn fast and become average or above average at it. But once you know the basics, the learning slows down. There is still much to learn, but it is a lot harder to learn, because then its about discovering new knowledge, not just understanding what’s already in the books.

Same with life. There are those who have got it going for them. Few of them out there. There are those average ones in between. And there are those on the streets.

I still think if you got talent, people will notice.

My math teacher in high school said, in life you get what you deserve … mostly.

Mostly!

In end, to boost your morale, I’m sure you’re used to listening to this, but your work is absolutely fantastic. And you are going to be someone to watch out for. Go for it bitch!

BTW – I am at work, writing this entry to you. If that tells you anything about who you don’t want to be. Don’t ask me how.

c o l o u r b l i n d

life and work

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